Out of Darkness Into Light

So me and J have been together 1yr 1/2 now..wow how time flies..we were talking the other day and I was like look you have until we’ve been together for 3yrs to  figure out if you want to eventually take that next step with me. I mean i’ve made it pretty clear that I want marriage and kids.  And he was like well that’s a 1yr 1/2 from now.. I was just like whoa…its amazing how fast time flies. I remember getting together with him like it was just yesterday. If also being looking at dresses and rings and other wedding stuff just soo I have an idea of stuff that I like for when I do get married regardless of who I marry. The only problem is that if we did get married for one M probably wouldn’t be my maid of honor since shes soo against me dating him..like can you just be happy for me…buuut nooope she doesn’t think hes good enough which means she doesn’t support any decision i make with him. also his parents being racist kinda sucks…its like really your son is 27, has a job, lives on his own, and is happy. can’t you as his parents be happy for him that he found someone that makes him happy. nope they get all pissed cuz he chose to be happy with a black girl…it like it 2013 move on and grow up!! I have 2 jobs, I’m in school, I will have a career, I have goals and I don’t live off the government. but whatevers…we’ll see what happens.

This summer: so this summer I have to have heart surgery which will mean that Ill be in my home town for about a month. and then ill come back here and not be able to lift more than 10 pounds…*sigh* the possible good thing is J might be able to get time off so he can come up with me and meet family and friends, which will deff be awesome:) It’ll be great if he can see ma, dad, k and j and a bunch of other friends.

soo im livin with these girls and one of them is great, the other two on the other hand are sometimes great and other times piss me the f-off.. like i swear i really dont like them. take today of instance things were ok then one of the two just starts flippin out over stupid s-it and i was like are you f-ing kidding me…like seriously… so anyways the night got better then two people came over and the discussion became about plans about the house and the one flippin out earlier was like well anyone that wants to move out has to find replacements and I’m like WTF  have i been trying to do. I f-ing sorry i want out… I’m not on the lease or anything and ive tried to be patient and nice but f-this if i move out I’m gone. I’m not paying anymore money once I’m out…this stupid girl thinks I’m gonna pay two rents if i cant find anyone….sorry girl but that’s soo f-ing not gonna happen….

am i right peoples…g-d i hate people that piss me off…

till next time …

peace

am I wrong or am i right

how do i save myself from this plight?

are they right or are they wrong

since they both want him gone

should i stay or should i go

or will i just stand and say no

them

or him

who will win?

how do i fix this division?

will this always be a collision?

i really like him i know i do

but they don’t think he’s really true

make a decision make it fast

this relationship just won’t last

they don’t think cupid stuck

just all he wants to do is fuck

the longer this takes the more it’ll hurt

i’m sorry she says it’s not gonna work

he’s not YOURS i know this is true

one day he may be YOURS to

regret

upset

reject

suspect

all in a line

i just really need more time

mommy

God

someone help

©NRW

Monday, November 28, 2011

so i haven’t written in a while but i really need to vent…..i really hate it when you tell people something like hey i lost my phone and i have no idea were it is…and then some fricken moron makes it all about them and is all like really you cant do this to me… i mean WTF!!! you stupid dumb-ass… me losing my phone has nothing to do with you… i didn’t lose it on purpose you ahole… like there are people who i talk to wayyyy more than you that this affects more…grr I’m really starting to hate certain people i swear…

in other news i had a great bday on the 10th i spent you with j by bf.. and i made him a cake on his bday the 9th and lovvved it which was great…and j and i have been together for a about a month and a week now and its great…

i really love workin at fridays…it has been great and i really love workin there its soo much fun and the people there are awesome and soo great.

well thats all for now…nite

So i like this guy…the same one from the previous post we actually went on our first official date yesterday. so anyways he meets a bunch of my friends and one of them k is all like well you both wanted different things and i don’t see the reason to date just to date. the biblical reason to date is for marriage…do i want to get married eventually YES but do i want to now?? heck NO. the problem is i don’t see a reason why you cant date just to date. i like him..he likes me…so why not?? the only thing is hes been married twice and has a kid hes never seen… i can deal with that s long as he can deal with my baggage. and the fact that I’m waiting till marriage which i haven’t really told him or the fact that he would be my first boyfriend if we became official which i also haven’t really told him…idk what do you think world?? what should i do??

any and all help is appericated

So yesterday I was on the bus that I normally ride to go home and this cute guy comes on and so I’m like ‘what the heck’ ‘live a little girl’ so i start talking to him and omg hes soo sweet. the problem is 1 i didn’t catch his name 2 he rides the bus but 3 he does driver just he cant afford a car right now. so aways at the last minute i ask if i could give him my number…couldn’t figure out his stupid phone so he tried to give me his but the i miss some numbers stupid dyslexia…grr anywho i gave his friend/coworker my number to give it hm and hopefully he’ll get it and call me or ill see him again…a girl can wish right… sigh why is it that nice girls like me get put in the friend zone but others get the guys…..big world out there anyone got an answer to that??

laters…